Who Said It: An Idiot Abroad’s Karl Pilkington, Yogi Berra or Homer Simpson?

Jul 15, 2015 by Robb Todd

Karl Pilkington has done for the dumb(-or-is-it-brilliant?) quote what few people other than Yogi Berra and Homer Simpson have done.

And much of Pilkington’s wisdom is currently on display in An Idiot Abroad on Travel Channel. Pilkington doesn’t seem to care about exploring new lands or cultures, and this is exactly why Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant sent him around the world.

Here’s a pearl from Pilkington’s visit to China:

“Being honest with you, it’s not the ‘great’ wall of China. It’s an all right wall. It’s the ‘All Right Wall of China.’”

And here are a few more from his travels:

“You can be into traveling but the world’s only so big, innit? So, eventually, you’re going to run out of places to visit. Whereas biscuits … there’s loads of them.”

“I really can’t believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.”

“What’s so good about The Amazon? Can’t be that good. There are things in it that would rather live in me knob.”

“I’ve learnt that, even though I’ve travelled about, I haven’t changed that much.”

With those quotes as a primer, here are 33 more from Pilkington, Berra and Simpson. Can you guess who said what? Click the link for the answer.

1) "You can’t keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.”

2) “What annoys me is how much land is being taken up by dead people.”

3) “What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here anyway.”

4) “Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded.”

5) “If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.”

6) “If you can’t do it, don’t do it.”

7) “Trying is the first step towards failure.”

8) “The future ain’t what it used to be.”

9) “Happiness is like a cake. Have too much of it, you get sick of it.”

10) “Because they’re stupid, that’s why. That’s why everybody does everything.”

11) “The beauty of radio is you can listen to it in the dark.”

12) “I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am.”

13) “If you don’t have a plan, you can end up doing some interesting things.”

14) “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going because you might not get there.”

15) “Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.”

16) “We should never have left the sea. No fish is homeless.”

17) “Go ahead and play the blues if it’ll make you happy.”

18) “But I’m not an idiot. At the end of the day, I’ve learned a lot.”

19) “I never said most of the things I said.”

20) “You can’t hold your breath to death.”

21) “All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbecue and there was no meat, I would say ‘Yo Goober! Where’s the meat?’”

22) “God bless those pagans.”

23) “I’ve never needed MC squared in my life.”

24) “We made too many wrong mistakes.”

25) “It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”

26) “You can observe a lot just by watching.”

27) “You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”

28) “Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don’t know if I’m in charge of mine.”

29) “Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems.”

30) “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

31) “People who live in glass houses have to answer the door.”

32) “When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.”

33) “I’d rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.”

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